Why I become Bach flower practitioner
Sometimes you just have to sit in a hard space, sometimes you just have to live in a tension. In fact, I think that’s the only way that you actually get stronger about anything. Maybe I was given the mountain to show other people that it can be moved. The warrior who have walked through hard times...that is how the rest of us know that we can get somewhere.
For 10 years I managed to pretend that „I am OK“ and have it all under control. However, the truth was I was suffering. Every day I was battled feelings of fear, unworthiness, undeserving, guilt, shame, blame, loneliness, abandonment, self-image and confidence issues…
We live in the world where STIGMA of mental health still exists and all you hear is you should just suck it up and move on. But what if you can’t? What if something shake you to the bone and you can‘t move on? No one really wants to hear about your mental health issues and you just end up withdrawing yourself from others and suffering alone. But how long you can be strong like that? …UNTIL YOU BREAK.
I suffered different types of loss, close to death and domestic abuse (sexual, mental, emotional, physical and financial). As a result I developed long-term trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression. I tried to cope and "heal" myself by changing my diet, yoga, meditation, visualization, psychological books, affirmations, crystal healing, studying Buddhism - you name it. Anything to make me feel better and help my troubled soul. Now I understand that I was just dealing with the symptoms and never healed the root of my problems.
Eventually, it affected all my relationships, I couldn't work anymore and life was not manageable. That’s when I entered “Dark night of the soul” where everything that I buried so hard deep down came to the surface again. I was on roller-coaster emotionally, physically and mentally stronger than ever before. I started to have panic attacks, my anxiety got so strong that I barely walked out from the house, meeting people was frightening, noise driven me crazy, I couldn’t sleep, having nightmares, flashbacks, from anger to sorrow, fear, pain, shame, guilt, blame everything was there. My body stopped functioning - IBS, joint pain, passing urine frequently, confusion, pounding heart, chest pain etc. I felt like I was in hell.
I had no other choice eventually just to seek professional help, my state was totally out of the control. My General Practitioner told me that I will have to wait about a year to get counselling sessions. I couldn't wait a year. I heard of Women's Aid so I phone them. I received a visit from one of their support workers who asked me if I am taking any antidepressant medication to help me soothe my feelings. I said no because my digestion was so shaken that I wasn’t even able to hold the pill in my stomach. And then she asked me: “What about Bach flower remedies, have you ever tried them?”
I took a leap of faith and decided to give it a chance. I didn’t know what to do with them but still jumped, flew through the air, had no idea if I have a parachute or how I am going to land.
This beautiful gift from Dr Bach came to me in perfect moment and helped me to save my life. I will be forever grateful for that. I have experienced the power of these remedies through my deep suffering to breath-taking healing. It happened step by step in the mist of it all. From having no knowledge about the remedies to urge and desire that drives me to complete process and become a practitioner. There were so many imbalances and disharmony in my body, mind and soul that even if they worked in their own pace to return back to harmony took time. Slowly I noticed that I don’t cry anymore, I don’t have all those internal arguments, nightmares, flashbacks, I don’t dwell in past, in old memories, I understood so I could forgive and let it go. I was not on roller-coaster anymore; all those negative feelings were gone. The space I have, the peace I have, the freedom from the entire burden that was lying inside of me for years. I started to feel better about myself, felt hope and I wasn‘t terrified of the future. I feel grateful now, grateful that somehow I kept going, somehow I survived all of that and never gave up. I knew I couldn’t live like that anymore but the sweetest taste of this marvellous healing is hard to describe. The hope, the light, I found myself again, even if I was here all the time.You can look at your past and see a line of mistakes, see only the hard things that life throw your way or you can recognize all of the times that you overcame adversity, that you pushed through the hard staff, that you got it done. You go through something strong and you become stronger in the process. And I will always remember the power of me too, and when I see someone, and they are carrying baggage that I carried for years...Now I am stronger, and I can say, I can help you carry that load because I know what it feels like to unpack that bag. I will rise my hand and I will be the first person that tells you that it happen to me and not only does it happen to me but that I walked through it and I am on the other side.